38th Post , My return

It has been months since i wrote in my self-absorbed blog.....day by day , i find myself drifting away from social networking...i dunno , but i am just not big on social networking , it takes too much work and i am not willing to give up a lot of time on such things... Well , now I'm granting myself a few minutes to write out my thoughts and feelings on this rather neglected blog...

I've been neglecting a lot lately....facebook , blogging , my social life... I need to get my drama back on...but not bad drama... Facebook annoys me , Blogging tires me and Socialising bothers me...but today ,I've allowed myself a titsy bit of reality in a life of a teenager...but at least blogging makes sense to me , you get to pour your feelings out without necessary knowledge of others and you don't have to read about other people's lives....that is one of the things that annoys me about facebook-ridiculous facebook statuses...they've taken the term narcissism to a whole new level and that does not necessarily mean a good thing....

Anyway , on a completely different topic , I have been feeling quite happy for the past few days...by happy i mean , my mind wasn't occupied my thought provoking situations...on the other hand , i find it hard to contain my obsessive compulsiveness...i dunno why but i find it hard to focus on one situation or rather change my attention to another situation...my mind keeps going back and forth , back and forth all the time so it's not very settling...to make matters worse , I had an exam today...but i guess i can say all went well...managed to complete it and kept my concentration...but still its frustrating to back and forth all the time cos i tend to forget what I'm thinking about afterwards and it frustrates me cos I'm the type of person that must think about something thoroughly...oh gosh , this is an awfully long post!

I'm lacking creativity but I'm not going to force it out off me....I'm going to be patient with this and let things run their course and perhaps after all of this , I can finally sit down quietly and write about something worth writing for... So , for now , I'd like to say Goodbye and Goodnight!

It's been a pleasure talking to you

Wednesday , 10th November 2010 , 7.27pm

37th Post ( Change )

Just a few minutes ago,I took a look at one of my primary school classmate's profile in facebook....I realised that she changed a lot....like really a lot....from this really really nerdy looking girl to a stereotypical looking girl.....It didn't really occur to me how much 4 years apart from someone,that someone may change drastically....or maybe just a year apart...maybe she changed the moment she stepped into secondary school....but enough talk about her...let's talk about me!

(totally what this blog means)

So anyway,looking at her drastic change alerted me on how much I've changed....I mean I'm still me of course....I am still the person I was 6 years ago....but of course all of us have to accept our maturity at a certain age....looking back to the mistakes I made....I don't regret them.....but....I see now how much I've grown.....

I realise that I get more and more pessimistic as I get older....which is not a good thing....but to a certain extend its good....cause i tend to expect the worse from people...so most of the time I don't get surprised by people's doings.....also...I was much more willing to socialise when I was younger....now I don't really bother to....I don't care about having a big circle of friends....I never had actually....I guess part of me was there when i was younger....but now that part is beginning to take over more and more of me.....which is not so much of a bad thing....

When I was like 7 or 8,I used to think that everybody likes me.....like nobody could hate me....but i soon realised that a lot of people have things against me....so right now,I've become immune to it....so I'd expect someone to hate me at the first or second or third impression they have on me....I dunno what is it about me but through my past history,girls tend not to like me...I don't know bout guys....but if they didnt like me-they kept their mouth shut about it then....I don't know what it is....I wish that girls could just keep their mouth shut about some girl they don't like....i mean it in a way...like you shouldn't go convincing no no i mean manipulating people not to like the person as well....I mean GOOD GOD....can you just SHUT UP!

(people reading this might be saying the same thing to me right now)

So,to conclude this awfully long post,I shall say that I accept who I am today...both the positive and negative parts of me....of course I hope dearly that my manners and consideration towards other people will be adequate....but other than that....I'd like to say FUCK IT to all those who have a problem with me...

(stop bitching...just fuck yourself...please)

Wednesday,24th March 2010 , 8.09pm

36th Post ( WHY? )

Why is it that you have different reactions to different people who annoy you? By that , I mean why can you easily forgive someone but hold a grudge towards another? Is it because the faith you bestowed upon that person and that person ends up disappointing you? And if you happen to forgive , is it because of the love you have for the person or because you don't take that person seriously and therefore his/her mistake does not matter to you?

In my life, I have met so many people...and treat them all differently....and I also react differently... Usually it allows better communication between the person and myself..... But I can't help but wonder why one person , I can easily forgive while the other , I feel strongly to defeat....

So , why? Why do we react differently towards different people?

Tuesday , 16th February , 11.08am

35th Post

Have not been writing lately....and by writing i mean my personal writing that i do in my free time....but nowadays my schedule are so god damn packed that every free time i had,i used it to slack or sleep....i need the rest and thankfully im having a long weekend to pay my aching body some rest....i dun even feel like going out now...i want to stay blank....cos almost everyday in school,i have to squeeze my brains out.....and that's just academically....with my cca...im havng a hard time getting into my character....its frustrating to know that i can help my fellow drama members with their role but just can't help myself with my own role....i feel worried for my performance and also just pressured in leading the club and also leading myself to success in the performance....after almost every drama training,i'll feel depressed and unhappy with myself cos i just can't get the character right....i really need mr wong's direction and it kills me that i can't do it myself...like last year i could do it by myself...the characterisation i mean....but now...i need guidance in every single line...sigh...its only February but it feels like its the middle of the year cos of the hectic schedule....i seriously need time to think what i'm gonna do with my life right now....


why do i have to be such a pessimist?

I want to be happy like i used to be two years ago

oh and its valentine's day....can someone tell me why people actually give a shit bout valentine's day? If you're in love with someone then shouldn't you treat everyday like it was valentine's day with each other? Also,its revolting to know dat teenage couples celebrate it with sweet nothings like 'i love you' and 'you're the perfect girl/guy for me'... (its just my opinion anyways)

Sunday , 14th February 2010 , 11.08am

34th Post

I've been feeling down lately....i am not quite sure why is this so.....it comes and it goes........feel tired most of the time.....and i usually get pissed with people in my school....i'm just gonna keep this post short....the only reason why i'm writing this is because I have not been blogging....so anyway...just felt like writing....not at the moment though....urgh I'm loosing my train of thought...ok then! nevermind,I'm just going to say bye for now...

33rd Post

Hey there ,

lately i have been feeling such hatred and displeasure to one particular person. I have no idea why , perhaps I do know but won't admit , but this person really got me annoyed for the past few days .

So anyway , these few days have been rather normal.........not fantastic yet not horrible........though my thoughts often comprises of such misleading situations............I have been finding that I do not look forward to happy moments nor do I long for heartbreak................my days are filled with dull and empty motives.......


I wish to be silent and shut out from the world for a day or two. I want to know the beauty of solitary.


8th December 2009 , 9.40 pm , Tuesday

In me (32nd Post)

In me

I am broken inside. I feel damaged and distraught. I clearly long for happiness.

There is so much anger in me. I fear the day I'll break down and lose hope for the world and for myself.


I feel so confused. I'm in need of someone , someone to understand me and whom can defeat my darkest fears and whom can assure me that I will be alright thereafter.

O'faith , I pray my soul woul d be saved , saved from the things that may cause me heartbreak.

I've lost my senses
I'm numb against the world
I need a knife or a sharp tool
to convey my indulgence

(just a poem I wrote)

To whom it may concern :

Please wipe the tears I've shed for it had caused me misery.
Demolish my security and take its place
Open my heart to the world without condition to my tendency
Take my hand and lay me to rest ,
for I see that way is the best



Break into silence and prayer



Wednesday , 21st October 2009 , 6.27pm