Paradox

38th Post , My return

2010-11-10T03:02:00.000-08:00

It has been months since i wrote in my self-absorbed blog.....day by day , i find myself drifting away from social networking...i dunno , but i am just not big on social networking , it takes too much work and i am not willing to give up a lot of time on such things... Well , now I'm granting myself a few minutes to write out my thoughts and feelings on this rather neglected blog...

I've been neglecting a lot lately....facebook , blogging , my social life... I need to get my drama back on...but not bad drama... Facebook annoys me , Blogging tires me and Socialising bothers me...but today ,I've allowed myself a titsy bit of reality in a life of a teenager...but at least blogging makes sense to me , you get to pour your feelings out without necessary knowledge of others and you don't have to read about other people's lives....that is one of the things that annoys me about facebook-ridiculous facebook statuses...they've taken the term narcissism to a whole new level and that does not necessarily mean a good thing....

Anyway , on a completely different topic , I have been feeling quite happy for the past few days...by happy i mean , my mind wasn't occupied my thought provoking situations...on the other hand , i find it hard to contain my obsessive compulsiveness...i dunno why but i find it hard to focus on one situation or rather change my attention to another situation...my mind keeps going back and forth , back and forth all the time so it's not very settling...to make matters worse , I had an exam today...but i guess i can say all went well...managed to complete it and kept my concentration...but still its frustrating to back and forth all the time cos i tend to forget what I'm thinking about afterwards and it frustrates me cos I'm the type of person that must think about something thoroughly...oh gosh , this is an awfully long post!

I'm lacking creativity but I'm not going to force it out off me....I'm going to be patient with this and let things run their course and perhaps after all of this , I can finally sit down quietly and write about something worth writing for... So , for now , I'd like to say Goodbye and Goodnight!

It's been a pleasure talking to you

Wednesday , 10th November 2010 , 7.27pm

37th Post ( Change )

2010-03-24T04:45:00.001-07:00

Just a few minutes ago,I took a look at one of my primary school classmate's profile in facebook....I realised that she changed a lot....like really a lot....from this really really nerdy looking girl to a stereotypical looking girl.....It didn't really occur to me how much 4 years apart from someone,that someone may change drastically....or maybe just a year apart...maybe she changed the moment she stepped into secondary school....but enough talk about her...let's talk about me!

(totally what this blog means)

So anyway,looking at her drastic change alerted me on how much I've changed....I mean I'm still me of course....I am still the person I was 6 years ago....but of course all of us have to accept our maturity at a certain age....looking back to the mistakes I made....I don't regret them.....but....I see now how much I've grown.....

I realise that I get more and more pessimistic as I get older....which is not a good thing....but to a certain extend its good....cause i tend to expect the worse from people...so most of the time I don't get surprised by people's doings.....also...I was much more willing to socialise when I was younger....now I don't really bother to....I don't care about having a big circle of friends....I never had actually....I guess part of me was there when i was younger....but now that part is beginning to take over more and more of me.....which is not so much of a bad thing....

When I was like 7 or 8,I used to think that everybody likes me.....like nobody could hate me....but i soon realised that a lot of people have things against me....so right now,I've become immune to it....so I'd expect someone to hate me at the first or second or third impression they have on me....I dunno what is it about me but through my past history,girls tend not to like me...I don't know bout guys....but if they didnt like me-they kept their mouth shut about it then....I don't know what it is....I wish that girls could just keep their mouth shut about some girl they don't like....i mean it in a way...like you shouldn't go convincing no no i mean manipulating people not to like the person as well....I mean GOOD GOD....can you just SHUT UP!

(people reading this might be saying the same thing to me right now)

So,to conclude this awfully long post,I shall say that I accept who I am today...both the positive and negative parts of me....of course I hope dearly that my manners and consideration towards other people will be adequate....but other than that....I'd like to say FUCK IT to all those who have a problem with me...

(stop bitching...just fuck yourself...please)

Wednesday,24th March 2010 , 8.09pm

36th Post ( WHY? )

2010-02-15T18:56:00.000-08:00

Why is it that you have different reactions to different people who annoy you? By that , I mean why can you easily forgive someone but hold a grudge towards another? Is it because the faith you bestowed upon that person and that person ends up disappointing you? And if you happen to forgive , is it because of the love you have for the person or because you don't take that person seriously and therefore his/her mistake does not matter to you?

In my life, I have met so many people...and treat them all differently....and I also react differently... Usually it allows better communication between the person and myself..... But I can't help but wonder why one person , I can easily forgive while the other , I feel strongly to defeat....

So , why? Why do we react differently towards different people?

Tuesday , 16th February , 11.08am

35th Post

2010-02-13T18:51:00.000-08:00

Have not been writing lately....and by writing i mean my personal writing that i do in my free time....but nowadays my schedule are so god damn packed that every free time i had,i used it to slack or sleep....i need the rest and thankfully im having a long weekend to pay my aching body some rest....i dun even feel like going out now...i want to stay blank....cos almost everyday in school,i have to squeeze my brains out.....and that's just academically....with my cca...im havng a hard time getting into my character....its frustrating to know that i can help my fellow drama members with their role but just can't help myself with my own role....i feel worried for my performance and also just pressured in leading the club and also leading myself to success in the performance....after almost every drama training,i'll feel depressed and unhappy with myself cos i just can't get the character right....i really need mr wong's direction and it kills me that i can't do it myself...like last year i could do it by myself...the characterisation i mean....but now...i need guidance in every single line...sigh...its only February but it feels like its the middle of the year cos of the hectic schedule....i seriously need time to think what i'm gonna do with my life right now....

why do i have to be such a pessimist?

I want to be happy like i used to be two years ago

oh and its valentine's day....can someone tell me why people actually give a shit bout valentine's day? If you're in love with someone then shouldn't you treat everyday like it was valentine's day with each other? Also,its revolting to know dat teenage couples celebrate it with sweet nothings like 'i love you' and 'you're the perfect girl/guy for me'... (its just my opinion anyways)

Sunday , 14th February 2010 , 11.08am

34th Post

2010-01-26T00:43:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling down lately....i am not quite sure why is this so.....it comes and it goes........feel tired most of the time.....and i usually get pissed with people in my school....i'm just gonna keep this post short....the only reason why i'm writing this is because I have not been blogging....so anyway...just felt like writing....not at the moment though....urgh I'm loosing my train of thought...ok then! nevermind,I'm just going to say bye for now...

33rd Post

2009-12-08T05:24:00.000-08:00

Hey there ,

lately i have been feeling such hatred and displeasure to one particular person. I have no idea why , perhaps I do know but won't admit , but this person really got me annoyed for the past few days .

So anyway , these few days have been rather normal.........not fantastic yet not horrible........though my thoughts often comprises of such misleading situations............I have been finding that I do not look forward to happy moments nor do I long for heartbreak................my days are filled with dull and empty motives.......

I wish to be silent and shut out from the world for a day or two. I want to know the beauty of solitary.

8th December 2009 , 9.40 pm , Tuesday

In me (32nd Post)

2009-10-21T03:10:00.000-07:00

In me

I am broken inside. I feel damaged and distraught. I clearly long for happiness.

There is so much anger in me. I fear the day I'll break down and lose hope for the world and for myself.

I feel so confused. I'm in need of someone , someone to understand me and whom can defeat my darkest fears and whom can assure me that I will be alright thereafter.

O'faith , I pray my soul woul d be saved , saved from the things that may cause me heartbreak.

I've lost my senses
I'm numb against the world
I need a knife or a sharp tool
to convey my indulgence

(just a poem I wrote)

To whom it may concern :

Please wipe the tears I've shed for it had caused me misery.
Demolish my security and take its place
Open my heart to the world without condition to my tendency
Take my hand and lay me to rest ,
for I see that way is the best

Break into silence and prayer

Wednesday , 21st October 2009 , 6.27pm

The awakening (31st Post)

2009-10-17T21:20:00.000-07:00

Basically this post is about me finally writing things beyond my day-to-day activities..........to express my ever growing curiosity for the world.....to finally write and question myself for my contradictions....this is after all ''paradox''..........

I may put an act of happiness but my world is breaking down inch by inch. I have no idea why I feel this way-unhappy,unsettled. I fear my soul will be resolved for I long the damnation of my soul to be over. My thoughts provoke me. I see nothing evidently yet i long for its simplicity. I had caused myself to feel the pain I feel now. I could be simple and uncomplicated yet I do not want to. It would be easier if i did but I do not want to live a lie. This is who I am. I am glad that I could be enlightened by the simplest smiles in my life but once its over, my soul slowly disintegrates. I fear the day I face the truth, the truth about this world,this place,this life. My fear of disappointment and heartbreak. I long for comfort yet I do not trust it for I may be the only one put on earth.

P.S : I got the idea of the different fonts from my brother Nazrul Muzammil.
http://saljihitam.blogspot.com

Sunday , 18th October 2009 , 12.45pm

30th Post

2009-10-02T23:49:00.000-07:00

Lately i have been always watching or listening to these three songs on youtube "The Angels Cry"--an easy listening song by Agnetha Faltskog, "Fleurs Du Mal"--a symphonic metal song by opera singer Sarah Brightman, "Welcome Home"--a metal song by Coheed and Cambria....................anyway,the songs are such a contrast to one another......i think I'm a contradicting rock fanatic....cos,even though its like my favourite genre and I appreciate it,the artists that I go crazy for are pop artists like Abba or Cher............sigh.......................ya'know the angels cry is really like a "lovey dovey" kind of song which usually I wouldn't like but I like the song somehow......yet another contradiction...............it think its because of the vocal arrangement of the song................the singer made it sound simple and melodic............but truth be told,its not an easy song to sing and the tune is rather hard to master.................i keep screwing it up if i sing it....i can only sing-along to it..............so anyway.......have nothing else to say so Goodbye!

Saturday, 3rd October 2009.....2.59pm

29th post

2009-09-19T00:43:00.000-07:00

Below is the 95 truths about me.....was bored so decided to fill it.....got it from Eryanah's blog....so thanks yeah....anyway.....i wrote the whole thing cos couldn't copy and paste.....

Meanwhile,today is the last day of our indeed holy month Ramadan....the moment the sun sets,its the official sign of our fasting month coming to an end.....so tmr's Hari Raya.....

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all muslims :).....maaf zahir dan batin.....

Not much preparations as my relatives don't really visit my house....feel obligated to celebrate Hari Raya.....but I'll try to have a good time....so see ya!

Saturday,29 Ramadan,19th September......3.49pm

28th Post (95 truths)

2009-09-18T23:38:00.000-07:00

95 truths
1.last beverage > tea
2.last phone call > Malai
3.last text message > Wardina
4. last song you listened to > I wasn't the one(who said goodbye) by Agnetha Faltskog
5.last time you cried > hmmm...
HAVE YOU EVER :
6.dated someone twice >no.
7.been cheated on > no.
8.kissed someone & regretted it > no.
9.lost someone special >not that i remember of....
10.been depressed >many times
11.been drunk and threw up? > no.
LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS
12. Black (though its not really a colour)
13. Green
14. White (though its not really a colour)
THIS 2009 HAVE YOU:
15.Made a new friend > hmm...i think so...yes
16. Fallen out of love > no.
17. Laugh until you cried > many times
18.Met someone who changed you >no.
19.Found out who your true friends were > yeah maybe..
20.Found out someone was talking about you >Yes...
21.Kissed anyone on your friend's list > no.
22.How many people in your friends list do you know in real life >wad friends list?
23.How many kids do you want to have > None.
24.Do you have any pets > no.
25.Do you want to change your name > no. I'm very proud of my name :)
26.What did you do for your last birthday > celebrate a little..
27.What time did you wake up today > 4.45am
28.What were you doing at midnight last night >going to sleep...i think...
29.Name something you CANNOT wait for > New Zealand Trip!!!!
30.Last time you saw your grandfather >he lives with me...so a few minutes ago??
31.What is one thing you wish you could change about your life > hmm....dunno really
32.Done something for the first time > .........cnt recall right now
33.Have you ever talked to someone named Tom > nope.
34.What's getting on your nerves right now > I'm calm now....but having a headache
35.Most visited webpage > youtube.com
36.What's your real name > Nur'Aurora Mairah Binte Zulkharnain
37.Nicknames > Baby or Umai
38.Zodiac sign >dog
39.Male or Female >Female
40.Primary school > Clementi Primary School
41.Secondary school> Gan Eng Seng School
42.Hair colour > Black
43. Short or long hair > short...
44.Height > 153cm...yeah yeah...i noe im short...
45.Sweats or jeans >jeans
46.Phone or camera > phone
47.Health freak > not really...
48.Drink or smoke > neither
49.Do you have a crush on someone? > no.
50.Eat or Drink? >both
51.Do you think true love exists? >yes..
52.Piercings > one on each ear
53.Tattoos > no....don't want any
54.Righty or lefty > righty
FIRSTS:
55. Surgery > none
56.Piercing > when i was a child and my aunt took me to pierce my ears without my mum's approval....
57.Best Friend > hmm...cannot remember
58.Sport that you joined > always joined telematch
59.Pet > fish...they died...six of them...within a month i think
60.Vacation > Melaka
61.Concert > wad kind???...for just a normal one then kindergarten concert....if not then "Heaven and Hell.....Black Sabbath reunites with Ronnie James Dio"
62.Crush > i don't think I ever had an official one before....hmm..maybe Daniel Radcliffe?(sorry Wardina...haha)
RIGHT NOW:
63.Eating > no i'm fasting
64.Drinking > nope...fasting
65.I'm about to >watch vids online
66.Listening to > nothing...
67.Waiting for >vid to load
YOUR FUTURE
68.Want kids? > no...at least for now...i dun want any...
69.Want to get married? > yes definitely...when the time comes...
70.Careers in mind >Singer,Actress
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE POTENTIAL PARTNER
71.Lips or eyes > eyes....(but lips still matters)
72.Hugs or kisses > kisses definitely...(but then again hugs also matters)
73.shorter or taller > taller
74.Romantic or spontaneous > romantic of course
75.Nice stomach or nice arms > Nice arms
76.Sensitive or loud > sensitive...but not too sensitive..(being able to understand my motives and feelings)
77.Hook-up or Relationship > relationship
78.Trouble maker or hesitant > trouble maker
HAVE YOU EVER:
79.Kissed a stranger > no.
80.Drank hard liquor > no.
81.Lost glasses/contacts > no....dun need them
82.Ran away from home > definitely not
83.Are you awesome > Lyk Duh.....haha...its up to your perception really...
84.Been unsure > yeah....I'm quite a hesitant person actually....
85.Broken someone's heart > err....dunno
86.Turned someone down > yes
87.Cried when someone died >yes
88.Liked a best friend > no...I love them
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89.Yourself > yes....except when my insecurities take over...
90.Miracles > not really...at least I dun hope for one....
91.Love at first sight > yeah but its not for everyone...
92.Heaven > yes
93.Angels >yes
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
94.Is there one person you want to be with right now > not really....
95.Do you believe in God > yes...Ya'Allah

Dissing ya'll (27th Post)

2009-09-07T04:50:00.000-07:00

Wassup!!!...looks like my life is coming to an end of logical terms.........dunno if it makes sense.....so anyways,as said in the title.....i feel like dissing the people that i noe whom i find annoying.......yeahyeah...i noe its fasting month and all but i still want to diss that somebody or some"bodies"...haha...wrong use of grammar....so as i was saying....i feel like combining the flaws of different people into one...i know that's mean....and yes,i too have some major flaws....but as said in the title....i want to diss somebody man....hmm...let's see....i hate people who are whinny,clingy,needy and just plain damn annoying....sigh....oh damn!!...I can't do it....can't diss people thoroughly....man!!...is it because of my fear of acceptance...or fear that people might read this and hate me for it.....whatever it is...long story short...I cannot do what i came here to do....so see ya!!!

Monday,7th September......8.18pm

Salam Ramadan!!! (26th Post)

2009-08-21T18:39:00.000-07:00

Hello,its been a few months since i wrote....really long time....well today's the first day of the fasting month.....to all muslims Salam Ramadan!!!!...well i hope this year's Hari Raya is going to be good....Don't wanna get caught up by sucky relatives...........so better not go further on that.....I do encourage muslim people to fast and not break it unneccessarily....oh well.....I'm going to say goodbye now.....See ya!

Saturday,22nd August 2009....9.45am

WTF 25TH POST

2009-02-14T07:31:00.000-08:00

As said in the title...lately i've been having a lot of wad the f***s in my life....dun wanna think about it too much....im goin very stressed with not only my academics but with my social life...i hardly have time for myself...i jus want to sit by myself and watch my life passing through me....no worries,regrets or meaning....i usually want to find the meaning to life....that's a question im asking myself almost every minute of the day....but sometimes i just want to stay blank for a second or so....find time to relax but i cant....my brain always gets distracted with everything...anything in the matter of speaking....i cant stop thinking...sigh....i jus cant handle things right now...tomorrow's sunday and i hope to seat still for at least half an hour.....i have not written poetry for a long time cos of my busy schedule....this is SYF's year....i got a part in the play....a suicidale maniac...which i enjoy playing but there are some awkward scenes....sigh...look at that...im writing exactly what im feeling...i just sigh....yet again...sigh....i have been doing that a lot lately...i just did it again....its only february and im only 14 and yet i hv such a complicated life....the truth is i dun wanna be anyone but myself and i dun like people being pretentious and try to fit in.....if u r a geek,so be it...if u r smart,so be it....seriously i dun have a problem with freeks and weirdos....i am one myself....sometimes i just feel like i wanna be monotonous....quiet...so that i cn contemplate on things that matter....but i jus cant help being happy and constantly laughing with my friends....i dun noe wad to do or write right now so im saying goodbye....

this is a post where i let out everything(nearly everything)...i dun expect people to read it so if u do....dun ask me how am i or if im ok cos i hate answering that question with whatever lie may i face....

Saturday,11.44pm

14th February

P.S: I had a wonderful time with my girlfriends today...appreaciate ur time

(24th Post)

2008-12-08T01:04:00.000-08:00

Lately,I've been thinking....about this blog....its titled "Paradox" but I have not been showing it in my writing....mostly I write about my day and how it went and my opinion about it....but the meaning of the word 'paradox' is...a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth....and I have not been expressing that properly....so why is it that I wrote in my blog with no definite reason when I know thats not why I want to have a personal blog???....so Im gonna stop posting anything if it is just for the sake of posting....so ok see ya'll later....

8th December,Monday(Hari Raya Haji),5.13pm

Happy Birthday To Me! (23rd Post)

2008-11-30T19:40:00.000-08:00

Today is my BIRTHDAY!!!!!....so anyway,dun noe wad am I goin to do today but wad i do know is that im goin to an indian restaurant to have a buffet.....See Ya!!

1 December 2008,Monday...11.43am
(I'm 14 now)

(22nd Post)

2008-11-30T01:29:00.000-08:00

Hello....not been able to write cos of the busy week I've had....tmr's my birthday.....YEAH!!!...but i dun want to get my hopes up for presents as we are in a tight budget at this time of month.....so anyway...last week was my drama camp...busy week started from last sunday...had a play which was boring by the way...luckily the school paid for us...cos i'll be bloody annoyed if i had to pay for it alrite....on monday,finalised the plan fo the camp....i am part of the executive commitee so i had to plan the camp....it was from 8am to 8pm....God!....i still had to pack for the camp the next day so i cnt jump rite into bed the moment i reached home...i didnt get to participate in most of the events partly because i organised them and also i had to do something else while the event is going on....didnt have enough sleep as i slept at 1.45 am and woke up at 6.15....but i was energise when my drama instructor came at ten cos the activities were fun...cos we had to do abstract movements in the music...and do a slowmotion fight...and also dance to the beat of the song...when i reached home...really felt tired cos i had to plan the camp and did not have enough sleep...so wadeva dun wanna bore ya'll.

30th November,Sunday 5.45pm....(p.s i'll insert my pics some other time aight cos my computer is running slow....)

Hi (21st post)

2008-11-21T17:46:00.000-08:00

hello,hello....how ya doin??? I'm fine...drama camp is coming soon....lots of planning to do....yesterday,the discussion was from 9am to 12 noon....then afterwards we had to look for the materials.....which by the way we didnt manage to get...and we didnt have money anyways....so tired....we walked around all day....sigh...well that's for now....Goodbye!

22nd November,Saturday 9.50am

As promised(20th post)

2008-10-30T06:44:00.000-07:00

As promised,I am yet posting another letter....well erm....I hv no time to write right now cos I hv class tmr and need to go to sleep...I'm just writing cos I've made a promise to...what the hell am I doing...sticking to a promise I've made to a network.....urgh....anyway...bye for now....

30th October 2008,Thursday 9.50pm

I'm back(19th Post)

2008-10-29T06:07:00.000-07:00

Hi!!!!Its been long since I wrote....like really long....busy with Hari Raya,Exams and other commitments(like i hv any...actually I do).....so anyway....I've been quite happy....I guess I can say that I'm happy with my results...I got 8th in level position...i guess its good but I dropped from 5 to 8....at least got top ten....i kinda dun noe wad to type right now so I'll just say that the past month have been filled wth all kinds of emotions....and I got so much to catch up on and its getting late so I'll update pictures and stories tmr morning...Its a promise...ByeBye....NightNightSleepTight....:);)

29th November,Wednesday 9.19pm

18th post hmmm....beware its quite long

2008-09-25T00:27:00.000-07:00

Hmmm....I dun noe where to start.....its been such a long n tiring week.....the past 2 weeks have been so fast and now its slowing down as it has gotten so boring and depressing...well ah let's recap on wad i have done this week....my bf(as in best fren) malai got into trouble with a teacher(for more info visit my fren's blog at happygolucky-wardina.blogspot.com)...it was a blur on tuesday....yesterday,it was a tiring day....after my two english papers for final year....wardina and i went to geylang to window-shop my Hari Raya clothing while waiting for my mum to come......we broke our fast in the bus....it was fun....hiding the light foods and SLURPEE up the bus.....i waited for my mum for two four hours there n half the time we just walked everywhere....sigh....(n i only drank at "sahur" n did not eat hehe) but surprisingly i wasn't hungry but jus lack of energy....after going through hectic stores(i wonder how people can survive in there)and undesiring patterns and colours,i bought a 'Kebaya Nyonya'....its in green....i was so pissed-off wen i didnt see any traditional kebayas around...and after that,my mum,wardina and me went to walk a long way to buy something for our break-fast....in the bus,when people were reaching geylang,we were leaving.....

Talking about fasting...the month of Ramadhan is coming to an end in 5 days...it went by like the train in new york city....wuuu! that's fast.....sigh...I'm not in a hari raya mood this year....partly becos i didnt get to buy a rewarding and outstanding outfit and also after two days,on the 3rd....i'm having my final year examinations.....not so worried yet not so confident....uuuurrrgggghhh...its all bullshit....streaming year....hmmm....dun noe wad to say now.....my hunger has vanished all of a sudden after getting pissed-off......my first time though this month that i felt hungry during fasting.....well,i still can get through the day....and it will be a total sin and waste to break-fast at a time like this,3.44pm.....so anyway....wish me all the best for my celebration and also the exams.....;)

P.S:had a good laugh when a weird guy wanted to flirt with wardina yesterday and it was fun today especially during design and technology period....hehe

25th September 2008,Thursday 3.49 pm

updating(17th post)

2008-09-20T07:36:00.000-07:00

As I said in the title,I'm updating.....on myself and also my other accounts.....I'm thinking of getting a myspace account....nowadays,i pay no attention to friendster and i intend to change or update my pictures.....so now,what I'm doing is jus updating my blog......I didnt yesterday cos I was jus too tired....I reached home about 2.30 and jus wash-up and jumped into bed as i was soooo exhausted.....i had physical training on that day,friday....we had to play volleyball....it was fun but tiring.....i had to rush to the toilet to wipe my prespiring face and jus stand by the sink in case at any moment i need to break my fast and drink from the tap...but i didnt....i continued fasting....I'm satisfied with myself as the days that i wanted to break my fast,i stopped myself by reminding me about the objective about fasting which is to feel what the poor feel.....i know this sounds kinda corny but that's how i help or motivate myself towards fasting....and i noe its wrong to not fast without a definite reason...

So anyway,right now I'm just buying time for my video to load so i can watch it smoothly......my english final year paper is coming up this coming wednesday....woooo....how pressurising but I'm not that worried about english......what i did today was jus sitting or lying in front of the television and jus watch tv programmes....at 6 i started surfing the net....i broke my fast today with my mum only.....we waited till its time to break fast then we went to west coast park macdonalds...i couldn't finish my food....maybe becos im used to the quantity of food that i eat when fasting......which is little compared to what i usually eat....the thing about fasting that i dun like is that we have to eat at night....normally i would stop eating by 6 but since im fasting.i would have to eat at 7 and end about 7.30......sigh.....i cnt think of anything to write right now...i had my mind on something but it jus slipped out of my mind right away...so i guess i'll update u when it comes back to me.....bye for now....

20th September,Saturday 10.53pm

Hi!(16th Post)

2008-09-17T02:46:00.000-07:00

Hello,how are you today?I'm putting that in because it was one of the highlighted phrases in my oral practice...today I had my english oral examination after school.....it was a piece of cake *flips hair*...hehe....its just that i hv a good command of english and i like to talk....these points allow me to elaborate in a proper way....but dun ask me about my malay oral,....i get a lot of screwe-ups in my malay....usually the topic is unexpected...well duh!...and this year,the conversation has no relation at all to the 'reading aloud' session.....but wadeva,just forget about it....

Today is Day 17th of fasting month,and the days that I've fasted are rather satisfactory....but today i just felt weak(unlike other fasting days)...probably because i ran to the mt classroom as wardina left her file there and we had to return back to class on time for the next lesson.....but last week,i didnt feel tired after having physical training earlier that day and i still had the energy to go to esplanade with wardina and break-fast outside...(but i was so restless on the weekend)hehe.......well i think this is like the first time(or maybe second)that i wrote in my blog about my day.....to tell ya the truth,i didnt wan to in the first place....i'm just waiting for my cousin to get out of the toilet so i would have my turn to wash-up....so that's for now....

17th September,Wednesday 5.59 pm

Hello again (15th post)-Perfect

2008-09-10T02:39:00.001-07:00

Hello again,its been long since i wrote...well not really....so anyway....school reopened on Monday....so depressed over it....well wadeva...i didnt even finish a piece of my homework...hehe...i did some but it was incomplete...i did malay paper 1 which means that i hv to do letter writing n composition...in like 35 mins...i did it right before school starts....sigh...i completed my math paper 2 during my reccess period....its quite often that i do my homework during reccess....cos i dun like to do it when i get back home....i dun see how homework helps in your knowledge...it jus kills the brain more n more with their "structured quetions''...ergh.....i dun do homework yet i still do well in my exams...(well maybe bcos im qualified for express but went to normal academic instead)...anyways,i do disagree when they say homework helps you..it doesnt help anything...its either u do it or u dun or u copy from some other fren.....well maybe practice makes perfect but all of us are perfect in every way....a perfect person...a perfect animal...a perfect asshole....a perfect bastard....a perfect bitch...a perfect slut...a perfect loser....a perfect singer...a perfect actor....a perfect dumbass.....and etc.......get the picture

Talking about practice,it may be good if u r happy doing it....for example,i like singing n i sing everyday as if im practicing my vocal capability.....I would love to learn piano n I am willing to learn or practice it even if it means i hv to squeeze in time to do sch work...that's how much i love it.....My favourite pianist or shall i say favourite keyboardist would be JORDAN RUDESS....from DREAM THEATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well that's for now....nearly time to break-fast.....for those who r ignorant....it is when the muslims fast n they stop when the sun sets...n they cn eat or drink again....dats y they call it break-fast...dun mistake it for breakfast....there are a lot of things that are forbidden during fasting n ur sins are doubled....but ur good point r also doubled:).....so anyway,u cnt hv sex(no sexual contact with the opposite OR SAME gender)u cnt smoke cos it is an act of tasting something....cnt put anything in ur mouth...cnt do things with urself(if u noe wad i mean)....okok...i better stop before it gets too RESTRICTED to those who r young or immature....n i said in the first line that's for now....so that's for now....BYEBYE

AND TO ALL MUSLIMS, SELAMAT BERBUKA!!!

10th September 2008,Wednesday 6.01pm

hello(14th post)

2008-09-05T05:50:00.000-07:00

Wardina and I Jocelyn,Me,Malai,Wardina and Jean

Hey.....been long time since i came here to write....its been my holiday....so too caught up with something else....man...time flies....it feels like my holiday is only one day instead of one week....but today was a lot of fun...first time going out with my other two classmates instead of jus me,malai n wardina....it was the five of us..first i went to bukit merah macdonald's...intention to do our homework...but in the end...we didnt...then we went to tiong bahru plaza...then vivo city....

Oh ya yesterday i weny to esplanade library with wardina to do our homework....

Speaking of homework....i have not finish my holiday homework...its quite a lot...i will always drag till the last day of the holiday...hehe...but wadeva....who gives a damn...that's for now

See u when i see u

Friday,September 5th 9.03pm

re-write(12th post)

2008-08-29T05:56:00.000-07:00

Long time since I've wrote....so busy lately...hardly any time to breathe...today we ha d "teachers' day celebration"...notice that I didnt use capital letters....show that I dun give a shit about it....so I cant write what I've been doin this past week..I'd probably bore u to death...so nothin much to say....except...

This coming week is fasting month for us muslims and its also my school holiday....but still,I have tests and exams to prepare for....ex-co meetings for my CCA....tutoring my younger cuz...and extra classes...URGH!!!!But I'm not at the verge of stress yet...maybe next year,I will be.....wish me luck...or jus all the best.....like I would noe if u even wished me....Bye and Goodnight!!!

29 August 2008 Friday 9.03pm

Long time(13th post)

2008-08-29T05:32:00.000-07:00

MOTHER F****ER!!!!!!I've just posted my entry and it went missing....wtf!!!....waste my bloody time writing it....relax...calm down mairah.........nothin to write now since my entry got lost....bye

ROCK ON!!!! (11th post)

2008-08-23T03:52:00.000-07:00

Rock On!!!!!Yeah,as promised I will talk about my first experience in a ROCK CONCERT!!!!

And guess whose concert I went to,DIO REUNITES WITH BLACK SABBATH...Well...it was really great fun...and I was very excited before going to the concert....I jumped like all the way through the concert....until I got blisters in my feet......hehe...but it was worth it....and I got noticed by a few older teenage coucassion guys....I was still twelve then as it wasn't my birthday yet...it was 27th October 2007....the end of the show..of course everybody wanted more....so my family and I went to see them leaving to their car...I saw DIO like only A FEW FEET AWAY.....That was awesome!!!...but I don't think he managed to see me but he saw my mum...well good for her as she has been his fan since she was a teenager....God knows how long ago that is...hehe...but she still looks like an angel after all these years she have aged....well that's for now....Bye

23rd August 2008 7.02 pm

I'm back(10th post)

2008-08-22T01:42:00.000-07:00

Hey...it was tuesday since I wrote....now's friday...kinda happy cos its the last day of a school week...hehe....so anyway,I got up at 5 this morning cos I slept at 6.45 pm yesterday...I made french toast for breakfast....I played volleyball just now during p.e......I hit the ball and I didn't know where it went...then suddenly,it hit my head!!!...hahahahaha....it was so fun...and my friends and I had a good laugh...simply because of the incident and that none of us knew how to play the game properly.....nothin to say now....maybe in the next post I'll talk about my first experiance of attending a ROCK CONCERT!!!!!!

22 August 2008 4.49pm

today(9th post)

2008-08-20T03:24:00.000-07:00

Today...well...erm...sounds like a newspaper...hehe...after school today,Iplayed a trick on my friend...I hid his handphone when he was in the toilet...he got so freaked out...it took about 10-15 minutes for him to realise that his handphone was missing....and another 15 for me to return it to him...maybe its mean but it will teach him a good lesson...cos he left his handphone unattended...I reached home about 4 plus today and took a rest cos today I had nothing on after school....well that's for now...hold on...for your information,I took bio/chem,A-math,geography and the necessary subjects;E-math,english,mother tongue(Malay) for my subject combination for next year....Bye!

Wednesday 20th August 2008,6.32pm

Me (8th post)

2008-08-19T06:03:00.000-07:00

Alright....I just post the previous one...and...erm...my bro read my blog yesterday and he said that it was too lenghty....maybe so...but I write about a particular subject....but if you find it boring than shut the damn blog!!!......he said that I was narcissistic cos I had a picture in almost every post...well it says it all in my name for the blog...the truth is...I'm not that narcissistic but I AM SOMETIMES....The time that I'm not narcissistic is when I'm in school....I don't give a damn on how I look in school...I see no point...might as well save the look for the outside world...I have an absolute schoolgirl look in school...hehe...

What i did(7th post)

2008-08-19T05:58:00.000-07:00

Wel..erm...what I did today....basically my mum forgot to give me money for today but fortunately I had spare....well I went for my CCA...as usual...it ended late...I get frustrated sometimes....URGH!!!!......like 6 plus goin to 7 late....anyway...I did a great performance for drama club today...the instructor gave us scores and I got the highest...tied up against another guy....well that's for now...Goodbye and Goodnight....today its tuesday19 August 08 by the way...

Hmmmm....(6th post)

2008-08-18T04:12:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm.....I don't know where to start.....what happened in school today was just like a normal routine that I go through....but I was kinda fresh as I got to sleep until 6.3oam(i usually wake up at 5.40am)because my school starts today at 8.30 today.......I got kind of disappointed when the free period was taken over by my geo teacher so I had two periods of geography instead of one...My lit teacher was not present...and if my geo teacher hadn't took over,I could have used the time to write....anyway,nothing much happened today except I tutored my two best friends on math...phew!!!...luckily I only taught them two questions...and even that took a long time!...haha....but I'm happy to help...(I'm saying this cos they may be reading this post)...haha....

Today's Monday,18th August 2008...the reason I always mention the day and date for my post is because the time set for the blog is not equal to Singapore time....So it looks like I post it like the day before in the morning when I post it the next day at noon...u noe what I'm saying?...nvm bout that.....and I also update on the number of post this is...for example...this is the sixth.....jus put it in as an info in case you are wondering when I started this blog...(jus throwing that out as for instance)......so that's all I have for you....Goodbye...and since its 7.24pm now....I shall say....Goodnight!!!!

So far...(5th post)

2008-08-15T23:18:00.000-07:00

Well,today's Saturday......so far nothing much happened....I didn't post anything yesterday cos I was out and my eyes got so tired that I didn't even want to use the computer when I got home.....Its like 2.33pm now and I got up at 8.30am jus now.....Actually I'm kind of a morning person and I don't like to sleep late at night.....but yesterday I slept at 11.30pm....I went to Esplanade Library and borrowed(well my mum borrowed it)DvDs....went to starbucks and wrote about two poems and then went to eat with my uncle.....this morning,I watched two of the DvDs that I borrowed and listened to loud music.....ya I know....sounds kinda boring which is why I'm surfing the net right now.....

I mentioned that I was a morning person....well I guess it runs in the family but my second brother's not.....I like to get up early...the latest I've ever woke up was 11am....and that was like once or twice...I've never sleep in until the afternoon.....but one of my friends is not a morning person....there was a time when I kept calling her from 11am all the way to 2.30pm and I got the same answer "she's still sleeping"....well the reason I don't like waking up late is that I will feel that my half day is wasted when I can use the time to do something else.....like writing poems....singing(to train my vocals)....do something useful....and you will look older if u don't take care of your health ....and sleeping is part of it...well ermm....I don't want to bore ya'll so I'll stop...bye....

the wait(4th post)

2008-08-14T02:45:00.001-07:00

Hey,jus to let u all noe that I visited the doc alrdy.....the waiting time took more than an hour....so glad to be home....phew!....but that's all.....bye!

Again(3rd post)

2008-08-13T17:42:00.000-07:00

Today's Thursday and I did not attend school again....My tonsils are red and swollen...I have very big tonsils...so if I'm sick,that's my targeted area...I feel much worst today...and weak...I'm happy enough that I don't have to go to school....so what the heck...I'm writing my blog when I don't know WHAT I'M SAYING.......Those who think that I am not making any sense...jus shut the damn blog....but those who find it interesting(which I think is zero) may continue reading this....

So anyway,I had a dream last night...I was with this group of friends and suddenly a women with a weird torch was waving it in front of this man....and before I know it he was killed...and nobody did anything....soon,I realise that by waving that torch in front of the person,he or she will then be killed....So my friends and I were captured and we were forced to wave that torch in front of the people who were 'chosen'...except the torch moved by itself and it had a camera to make sure we did our job.....and it was my friend's father who was next in the list....She wanted to see him for the last time so she followed me.....it was a blury vision at her father's office....when I went in to see him,it started shaking and the 'villains' came in and sawed his head(I know its violent)....I had a breakdown and ran away from them....it was raining and it was crowded so they can't find me.....I jay-walked and surprisingly didn't get hit by a car.....I went to this hotel and used the 'ladies'....there was this guy who directed me to the bathroom and said which cubicle was clean and which one is not.....I cleaned up myself and asked him if he had a dress...he said 'no'.....so i borrowed a dress from one of the people who were staying at the hotel.....n I came back to the place I ranaway from and no one recognises me.....the strange thing about this dream is that I've had two 'exorcist' dreams in a row on every wednesday night...and last night was a wednesday night and I had a strange dream.....but maybe its just a coincidence......OR IS IT?

2nd post

2008-08-13T02:51:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,this is my second post.......I've just added my media box so feel free to have your ear in it.....The songs in there are my favourites...I tried to get Stream of Conciousness by Dream Theater cos that's my favourite d.t. song but I can't find the full lenght....So I chose vacant instead....so anyway...I told my best friend about my blog and she went to create one for herself.....so check it at http://www.happygolucky-wardina.blogspot.com/

So erm....nothing to say now except I got homework to do and I missed out three tests today.....Wow!....so bye..

First on the role

2008-08-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

My first time posting on a blog.......so kind of unsure of what to do.....errm....today's Wednesday 13th August and I did not attend school. Basically because I'm totally worn-out and I can't handle any crap in school today. Well I'm supposed to have two tests today:Literature and Science....Yesterday,I was given my results for my geography and math test and I scored 11/20 and 15/20.....Well I can say that my results was rather satisfactory but i was pissed off at the quetions that I got wrong for as I've put the right answer and canceled it for the wrong one....URGH!!!!.....but I don't like to regret things and I get pissed off when people cry on their results simply because they failed....Its their own fault for not trying hard enough....I can understand that they tried and they were disappointed but I hate it when they cry...That's something I can't have sympathy for.....well,I don't want to get too frustrated so I might as well end now....